Stress tore me apart

I am finally sick. I am not surprised because I have been taken myself that much in the last little while. I have been eating out too often and have not been choosing healthy either. I have been lacking in the sleeping department as well. I slept, but I often got up in the middle of the night. Neither my mind nor body would have the rest I normally needed.

I woke up at 3am this morning, and I thought that it was time for work. My head was spinning and I wasn't feeling great. I soon realised that it will be a long day. I went back to bed with a spinning head. I woke up a few more hours later and realised that I had to go to work. I had more than a few appointments that I needed to attend to. I couldn't miss those appointments. Beside, our office is short staff. I cannot afford to stay home. I will be 2 extra days to catch up with the missing hours.

My first interview was a no show. I canceled the next 2 interviews because I don't have the energy to do it. I was going to spend the day doing some administrative work. At 1:30pm, I was having a hard time staying awake. I excused my self from my colleagues and headed home.

I slept for 3 hours. It was helpful, but it didn't help. My head is still spinning, my stomach hurts, my body aches, and my throat hurts. I am hungry but I don't want to eat. I am sitting here with a cup of tea and a soccer match on the tube. I need to rest up because I need to go back to work tomorrow.

What do real men wear?

There are lots of guys have problem with their manhood and they are not secure about who they are. A lot of them wear shirts with stupid lines like, 'real men wear black' or 'real men wear kilts.' But really, If you are real men and secure about your manhood, would you wear a shirt with those lines? I wouldn't. It is because I know I am a man and it doesn't matter what I wear.

I got a break today

I was in a one on one meeting with my manager yesterday. She mentioned that one of our clients is opening up a new store in Coquitlam in spring of 2007 and we will have to supply temporary workers for the initial set up of the store. It is not my gig to provide them with people because I do only permanent placements. However, I said to her that we have a year to prepare for the project without realizing that we are in 2007 already. She called me a dink for not knowing what year we are in.

I haven't any concept of time in the past few months. I have spend too much time suffering in my life or too much time at work. I don't even know what is what any more. I know what jobs are needed to be done and what client to service. Other than that, my life seems to be a blur. My head isn't really all clear all the time.

i heard on the radio that there is a meditation class at a Buddhist temple in Richmond yesterday. I did some research and went there today. I didn't know what to expect because I have never done anything like that in my life. I got up around 7 am, grabbed some cereal and headed out to the Temple.

I arrived at the Temple 10 minutes before the start of the class. It was foggy this morning and it was a majestic view. I cut through the dense fog and got the meditation hall.

The class started with a meditation walk for about 10 minutes. The walk was in a brisk pace. We had to concentrate on our form and nothing else. We were told not to survey the surrounding. It was nice, despite that I had no idea on whether I was doing it right or not. After the walk, the monk made a loud noise and signaled us to take a seat.

The sit down meditation was 35 minutes. We were instructed to focus on our breathing and nothing else. It was a good exercise as we had to keep our forms. We had to keep back straight. It was a time for us to forget the past, focus on the moment and not to worry about the future. We all had too much in the past to run away from. Yet, most of us can't just in the moment as we cannot control the past and that we do in this moment is more important as it is going to affect the future. The future is not set, but if we do good at the present time, we will be enjoy the fruit in the future.

For 35 minutes, I sat in silent and contemplating about my life. I didn't have a break through in my life, but it was very relaxing. I got home at 1 and I slept for 4 hours. It was a good nap as I felt very rested. I will do that class again. I may even invite a friend or two.

I am having a werid day

I just had dinner and I have the urge to go out for a piece of desert with cup of coffee.

i dyed my hair today

It had been a long while since I have dyed my hair. I last dyed my hair blue and I was 24 years old. It had been ten years, and I didn't dye my hair for fashion. i did it because I want to cover my white hair. My hair is turning white and it is noticeable. Many people had been telling me to do it. I finally did it tonight. After I did it, I realised that I should have done it in Blue. No one is going to notice it anyway, except in bright sunlight. That's it. I am going to do my hair blue in the summer. Or I should have done it in red. My boss can't argue with it, since the Corporate colour is red.

Not of my concern

When people stop care, the world stop. Some harsh words were exchanged. There were things that were not supposed to be done. However, every action has a reaction.

I am trying hard

I am trying hard to be a friend to that ex of mine. However, she doesn't even try to make an effort to make the peace. She had to do things to piss me off daily. I can't take it any more. Either she is stupid or just plain mean. If she just leave my food alone or make an effort to share the food. She just like feeding that freeloader my food.

I had an interesting day

I started my work much like every other day. I got to the office at around 8:20am. I was kind of day dreaming because of what happened at the club last night. I did my telemarketing and some sourcing for the sales position that I am recruiting for. Of course, it was busy as usual. This is the best time for us to sell our service. I just want to keep going to sell and make more appointments for this week.

While I was away from the office, I received a call from my manager. She informed me that I will be the sole permanent placement consultant effective immediately. The other consultant quit this afternoon because she found another job and her new employer want her to start immediately.

We always felt that she behaved like a highschooler. We also expected her to leave our company within a year.

Now that she is gone. I had to take over her assignments. I have no complain because I am just going to make more money.

Snow Day

Vancouver is expecting 5 - 10 cm of snow to arrive before the morning rush hour tomorrow. Our office is preparing to run on a barebone crew. I will be here as I don't have any valid excuse not to be here. I only live a few minutes away and I have a all wheel drive Subaru. But Some people live a little further out in the suburb and the transit could be horrible because the Lowermainland lacks the proper planning for snow removal.

Car Search - Back to Square one

I have been out looking for cars and realisd there is only one car that meets all the requirements that I want. The perfect car for me is a Subaru Impreza RS from the late 90's.

Is it impossible to find some one special?

I have to admit that I am not a easy person to please. I have lots of failed relationship and that included a 7 years long courtship. I know what I want but it seems that I am asking for the world. I am not willing to settle with anyone. I did that with my marriage. Mind you, I am not looking for that nice girl to settle down with like every one else. I am not going to settle down ot nothing. In fact, I am looking for some to share my life with and to get into troubles. I am not looking for someone to please the elder, because I am not doing it for anyone else. It is going to be my time.

I also like to say that I am not a very open minded person. I know what I like and I am very passionate about the things I like. I don't to open up to new idea. I am not easily convinced. I will respect people for doing their own things, but don't expect me to follow the crowd. I don't do that. I listen to the music that I like and I careless whether you like them or not. My ex controlled the music in the car and I don't enjoy the stuff that she listened to. I don't mind to have some one to play DJ in the car, if she can pick the music that I like.

Since I have been married and owned a minivan, I am not doing that again. I am trading my little red wagon for a sports coupe with 5 speed, sun roof and 2+2 seating. I no longer care whether the car can carry lumber from Home Depot or carrying extra people. I don't care any more. Although a wagon comes in handy for cycling, but I can always use a roof rack and store the junk in the trunk. I am not looking to start an instant family with anyone. However, it is on a case by case scenario. If she has only one kid and doesn't want to be a mom again. I am not going to go out with anyone who has multiple kids. I can barely handle mine, and I don't want any more extra baggages. I will not play father to anyone but to my own.

I am not expecting some one who will cook for me daily because I like to cook. Cooking is relaxing for me. I just want her to hang out in the kitchen with me and don't leave me in the kitchen by myself. I cook delicious meals.

The bottom line is that I want to be respected. I want a 2 way communication and not just one way. If I seek advise from my partner, she better give me some idea. I hate it when a woman tell me that she doesn't care what I do. There is a reason why I asked. It is not because I need some one to tell me what I should do. It is because I want opinion from a different person and from a different point of view.

Of course, physical attraction is important. I don' like ultra skinny girl with body of a 12 year boy or BBW. I am not looking for a hard body either. I just want some one with a normal body.

Oh yeah, it will be a bonus is the woman is a Goth/Punk/Artistic person.

My mood is stablised

I finally pay attention to the interests that I have neglected because of my depression. I have been watching Hockey and Football(Soccer) again. I have spend my waking hours and watched all the matches that I could watch yesterday. It was a great day as my day of sport viewing starting at 7am and didn't finish until 7pm. I had a good day. I cheered for my favourite teams and I had a great time doing it.

I also should get out of the house more often. I am leaving the house after the Spur and New Castle match. I am going to a trade show and will probably visit some friends in the afternoon. I will definitely be home for dinner later, even if I have to eat alone. I don't care, as long as I have a good time doing it. It is because Jack Bauer is going to start another bad day tonight.

Status Symbols

Swiss Watches.
Paris Fashion.
German Cars.
Italian Sunglasses.

These are all Status Symbols and lots of people chase after them. They think it is important for them parade around town in their Prada high heels and drive around in a Mercedes Benz. It is good that they like it. I rather enjoy life to the fullest with simple things in life. I rather go on adventures and have great memories.