My life is boring

I need some excitement in life.

Tired and over worked.

Most people, including myself, take on too much in life. We have high expectation in ourselves and we don't always able to meet those expectations. I have been a slave for life for the 8 years and I am simply overworked. I had too much worries and I simply didn't know what happiness was. There was also a void that I need to fill inside of me. This is simply a void that I don't know how to fill.

Finally a good day to cherish

I had been a good day. Work was good because my client decided to move ahead. It had been a while that I am making progress with them. The good thing is that I may end the year with a big bang.

I was told to pick up a new hobby

A few people have told me that I should pick up a new hobby. It is easy to say, but I don't know what. I have done a lot and I don't even know what I want to do. I don't even know who I am any more, and how am I suppose to pick up something new? May be I should just make finding myself a new hobby for me.

Living a lie

I feel like I have been living a lie for a long time. I am at a cross road now and I don't even know who I am any more. I am completely lost. I feel stupid and hopeless. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know whether I want to live like everyone else in the capitalisitic world or living a life with just enough things. I love BMW, but I don't to buy one because of the stupid image that associates with it. I don't want people to think I am rich. Then again, I will everything to sabotage any money making opportunity. I am not motivated by money. because Money causes plenty of stree in my family.

I don't even know what motivates me any more. My life is out of focus and I don't know what to do to refocus it.

Can some one please help me?

Ending the year with a shitty note

My year started wih a very positive note. I got a new job with a company that I have always wanted to work for. My marriage was on the rock, but we had a good vacation at her father. We didn't do much but at least we spend the time togther. Life was full of hope. I felt like that I was on top of the game.

Now, I am not sure any more. I don't know what I wanr or who I am. I just want to give up. I don't want to do it it anymore. I was great at what I do, but I am not sure any more. I just want to quit. My emotion can't take some of the abuse. I am not even motivated to the do work. I feel like I am extremely disorganise. I am not a very organise person and I am feeling this way.

And yes, I am smoking now. I smoke the ocassion cigar, but these days, I smoke cigarettes. They are filthy. They are disgusting. I keep thinking about how some people pull out of similar situtations.

I tried to listen to pop music. They can be more cheerful than all the crap that I listen to. but I just want to reject the 'real world' even more. I just want to put everything I have on sale and start out fresh with minimal stuff and build on it. Life is more complicated than what it needs to be.

Monday Morning

It had been a few days since I lost my marbles. I am feeling a little better. Ranting to an imaginary audience helpped my mood. I also went to see a couple of friends and that helped. I am in a desperate need to hang out with friends these days. They help me to forget about my depressive life a little. When I am with them, I don't think much. It is good to have friends.

Still, I am piss off about my life. I am pissed off about myself also. If I were stronger a few years, I would have gotten myself into a better mess. There isn't much I can do to change my life, but I can always use a little more fun.

And yes, I still want to trade my wagon in for a BMW Z3. It may not make sence to lots of people, but If I was to move away from Burnaby, I gotta have something fun to drive. I just want a Z3 with a 5 speed. Nothing fancy.

I am even thinking about an Omega watch as well. If I was to spoil myself with something, this could be it. No more diamond rings for any woman.

Now, I feel like I am having a mide life crisis.

I am going to stop drinking and eating red meat

I am officially off alcohol. After 2 set of blood test, I was told that I have excess iron in my blood. It is possible that my liver isn't processing the iron properly. It is a genetic disorder. There is no cure for this problem, but I can control it by donating blood a few times a year. I am trying to stay away from red meat as well.