What I have learnt about relationship so far.

I just realised the importance of intimacy in a relationship. through out my marriage, there wasn't a lot of that. Although we had sex, but it was very mechanical. i didn't feel like we were sharing anything together. It is more than an act for making babies. It is something for two people to share. It creates a bond between two people. However, I didn't feel anything about a bond. There was a lack of touching and She was cold. It was very sterile as she forced me to wash my hand afterward. Once my finger went down on her, I could not touch her again without washing my hand. She was a clean freak and afraid of gem. She also didn't like to snuggle after sex. She will allow me for a few second of touching. Then she will order to get off her and told me that it is enough. I wanted more than missionary but she couldn't give me more than that.

She also dislike us being close. She always needed space between us. She loved our king size bed, because we have lots of room between us. She also never get close to me when we watched tv. She will take one corner of coach and I will have another. When I made the advance, she will push me off most of the time. When I cook, She doesn't like to stay in the kitchen, In fact I had to hunt her down, because she was trying to fill her void with TV. She doesn't like me to talk during the TV programme because she doesn't want me to interrupt her.

Of course, she never asked me about how my days were. She just didn't care.

SO, I have been messed up by this woman. I was lost for a long time as I just follow her crap and never tried anything different. I was trying to hard to stay in the marriage and cared about nothing. I put her need above me. I can't believe that I stayed in the marriage.

I was, of course, afraid what a divorce may bring. I didn't want to loose a thing. I was afraid of change. but I know that she is just some one one greedy and still a child with no sence of reality.

I am moving on and hopefully I will find the love of my life. I want to marry the love of my life. I want to be with some one who cares about me. I want us to share our lives and hobbies. I want intimacy. I want a relationship.